# Free Relationship Check-In Worksheet | Couples Communication Printable

> Source: https://positivity.org/self-development/relationship-check-in-worksheet

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**Quick Answer:** This printable relationship check-in worksheet provides structured prompts for couples or close relationships to discuss appreciation, concerns, needs, and goals. Regular check-ins — even monthly — significantly reduce conflict and increase relationship satisfaction according to Gottman Institute research.

# Relationship Check-In Worksheet

Dr. John Gottman, who has studied over 3,000 couples across four decades at the University of Washington's "Love Lab," can predict divorce with 93.6% accuracy based on how couples communicate during conflict. His research, published in *The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work* (1999) and numerous peer-reviewed journals, identifies four behaviors that are most toxic to relationships — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (the "Four Horsemen"). Regular check-ins help couples address issues before these destructive patterns take hold.

This worksheet is designed for a 30-45 minute conversation between partners. Each person fills out their section independently, then you share and discuss together. The structure ensures both voices are heard and appreciation comes first.

## Date of Check-In: _______________

### Part 1: Appreciation (Start Here — Always)

Gottman's research shows that stable relationships maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. Starting with appreciation sets a constructive tone.

**Something I appreciate about you that I may not have said recently:**

**A moment this week/month when I felt grateful to be with you:**

**A quality of yours that I admire:**

### Part 2: Connection Assessment

Rate each area from 1-10 (1 = disconnected, 10 = deeply connected).

**Emotional connection:** ___/10

**Physical intimacy:** ___/10

**Communication quality:** ___/10

**Fun and playfulness:** ___/10

**Teamwork (household, finances, decisions):** ___/10

**Overall relationship satisfaction:** ___/10

### Part 3: What's Working Well

**Something we're doing well as a couple right now:**

**A way we've grown together recently:**

### Part 4: Gentle Concerns

Gottman recommends using "soft startups" — beginning concerns with "I feel" rather than "You always/never." This reduces defensiveness by 65%.

**Something I'd like to talk about (using "I feel... when... I need..."):**

I feel 

when 

I need 

**An unresolved issue I'd like to revisit:**

**What I need to move forward on this:**

### Part 5: Needs and Requests

**Something I need more of in our relationship:**

**A specific request (actionable and positive):**

**Something I can do better for you:**

### Part 6: Dreams and Goals

**Something I'm excited about for our future:**

**A shared goal I'd like us to work toward:**

**A dream of mine I'd like you to know about:**

### Part 7: Action Items

**One thing I commit to working on before our next check-in:**

**One thing we agreed to do together:**

**Date of our next check-in:** _______________

### Check-In Ground Rules

- Listen to understand, not to respond

- No interrupting — let your partner finish completely

- Use "I" statements, not "you" accusations

- Take a 20-minute break if things get heated (Gottman calls this "self-soothing")

- Accept that some problems are perpetual — 69% of relationship conflicts are unsolvable. The goal is managing them, not eliminating them

- End with something positive — a hug, a shared laugh, a word of affirmation

*Schedule these check-ins monthly at minimum. Many couples find that having a regular "state of the union" conversation prevents small issues from becoming big ones. The fact that you're doing this at all means you're investing in your relationship — and that matters.*

**Explore Related Topics** [Take the Positivity Quiz](https://positivity.org/tools/positivity-quiz)[More in Self Development](https://positivity.org/self-development)

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